


Overwhelm

by witticaster



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, brief tangent off of canon events just to see what happens, kinda spoilery for later episodes, set during The Suffering Games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-23 21:30:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12516992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witticaster/pseuds/witticaster
Summary: "I wonder which one would be worse to take from you: the person that you loved or the person that you… hate. I think we'll go with…" Edward's voice pauses. "The former. The one you loved."A slight change in the game in Wonderland, and the things that change after.





	Overwhelm

**Author's Note:**

  * For [talefeathers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/talefeathers/gifts).



> a little while ago I was talking to my very dear friend Julia (not the Burnsides one, but also kind of a real-life version of the Burnsides one) about the idea of Magnus being forced to decide if he should sacrifice his memories of his wife, rather than his memories of Kalen. it was a very bad idea that resulted in some sad stuff.
> 
> naturally, I'm giving it to her on her birthday.

"Magnus. You have someone that you… loved once, right? And they were taken from you by someone who you know hate. I wonder which one would be worse to take from you: the person that you loved or the person that you… hate."

Magnus is motionless, his chin tipped up, twenty years older, a chunk of his vitality gone, and a stroke of bad luck foretold in his next battle.

"I think we'll go with…" Edward's voice pauses. "The former. The one you loved."

"No," says Magnus.

Lydia tuts. "Rude to cut people off, you know, especially when we've put so much effort into this particular sacrifice. Don't you want the details?"

"I don't care about the details," says Magnus. "Penalty."

"Wait-!" Taako groans, and another light appears over the door: now there are seven in total, with only three lit up. "Cool. Good. I wanted to die here." He watches an inky black cloud creep out of his mouth, but fuck it, he can vape misery if he wants to.

Both of the liches start to say something sardonic, but Magnus talks over them: "Don't worry. You're not gonna." He steps forward and spins the wheel again. The technicolor disco lights flash up on his face, going slower and slower until they stop on-

The liches squeal. "Hand!"

While they titter and play festive music to accentuate the moment, Magnus curls all nine of his fingers into fists and shuts his eyes for a second. He can talk about action over thought all he wants, but Taako knows he's trying to imagine if he could swing Railsplitter with one hand, or do any of his neat new thief tricks.

"You want one of my hands?" he says, a little rasp in his voice.

Lydia chuckles, sweetly. "Oh, no, dear! Maybe that sort of thing would've done the job in round two, but- we're going to need the whole arm this time. I hope you understand."

His face doesn't change. He even nods a little. "Okay. Okay. My left arm."

Edward hisses through his teeth. "I AM sorry about this, Magnus, but the wheel is just too hungry for that. We need the right one."

"Shit. _Shit._ " A little puff of black smoke comes out of his mouth before he straightens up, grinning like an idiot. "Well, I guess I'll just learn to be a leftie, let's-"

"Fuckin'- hold the fuck on," Taako announces. "No. I honestly can't tell if you're being dumb or heroic, and I don't know if you can, either, so let's just- take a moment to process."

The liches don't take Magnus's arm, so Taako assumes the floor. "Okay. Listen," he says. "We've gotten through a disarming before, but unless you have Lucas's Nokia number on your crystal, we're not gonna be able to grow a new limb for you, so think about it. No more two-handed attacks. No more tricksy rogue moves. No more wood carving, no more ducks, no more good punching-"

"I don't care," says Magnus. "Can I do the thing now?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Well- Merle, tell him why!"

Merle only stares. Magnus stares back, but to Taako's growing discomfort, Magnus doesn't look like he's pleading or ready to make an argument. Merle scratches the space under his eyepatch, making him even creepier and more ridiculous. "I get it," says Merle. "Do what you gotta do."

"FUCK me RUNNING!" Taako yanks his hat off his head, feeling the tips of his ears quivering. "No! Bullshit! Is this some kinda long con you two are running to push me over the edge? Do you have any _idea_ how many hours of airtime you've spent griping about losing that arm? Do you have no respect for narrative consistency?"

"I don't know what those words mean," says Merle, which is probably false. "But if he's gotta do it, he's gotta do it." Then, he tilts his head up at the ceiling. "Will you give him a badass new prosthetic arm?"

"No, dear," says Lydia.

"Well that seems unfair," says Merle, amiably. "I got an eyepatch, right?"

"But not some kind of... cool magic robo-eye," says Edward. "The eyepatch is for aesthetic value, not usefulness. What's the point of a sacrifice if we replace it right after the fact?"

"Hm." Merle does his own version of a thoughtful chin stroke, which is basically just digging a hand into his beard. "How about a harness so he can attach stuff to where his arm _would_ be, like Captain Hook? That wouldn't really be an-"

"We're not discussing this!" says Taako.

"No, we're not," says Magnus, "because I made up my mind."

"You don't get to make up your mind if you're going to pick something stupid!"

"What, you rather I take the penalty?"

"I'm saying there's a way around this if we-"

Magnus suddenly turns around like he's elbowing someone behind him, looks at an empty corner of the room, and shouts, " _You_ can shut the fuck up, I don't even know you, you don't get a vote!"

"Who the hell are you talking to?" asks Merle.

Magnus sighs, his big tortured shoulders heaving. He turns back to them and says, "Cam."

Lashed to Taako's shoulder, Cam says, "Okay."

Taako tries to get a read on the corner, tries to perceive whatever might be there. He comes up empty and gets the feeling he's thinking about it in the wrong way. Before he can look closer, Magnus says, "Look. It's this or another penalty. There's no other way of thinking about it. Maybe it'd be something I can deal with, maybe it wouldn't, but I know I can handle this. I won't let you guys down."

Asshole. Taako straightens his clothes over his beaten-up body and shrugs.

There's a sad pause, then Magnus looks to Merle and raises his eyebrows.

"It was a good one," says Merle.

"What?"

"'I know I can handle this'. 'Handle'. Like hand. Good one."

"Well, that wasn't really intentional-"

"Oh."

"And anyways, I'm losing my whole arm, not just my hand."

"Gotcha." Merle nods, sagely, trying to resume the gravity of the moment. "If I can make it with only one arm, there's no way you can't."

Magnus straightens up and smiles.

"Accepted," he says.

And Magnus hunches over, clutching his right arm, screaming- not excited bellowing or sad shouting or mad yelling, just screaming. Sweat seeps off of his skin like he's just gotten out of a big fight. For a second, that's all there is. Then the empty Phantom Fist drops to the floor.

Magnus's hand is crisping, crackling, burnt to charcoal. It's spreading up like his arm is the fuse on a stick of dynamite, leaving awful, congealing sparks behind it. Frantically, he starts yanking at his wrist, like he's trying to wrench his arm off his shoulder. Billows of black smoke surround him, obscuring him like he's about to turn into a scary cartoon dragon-

Then he's laughing. Forced and pained? Sure. But as the smoke clears, he's holding his charred right shoulder and flashing his teeth, chuckling. There's no blood. There's no pile of ash or chunks of muscle or bones on the ground. But the stump of his shoulder looks like it's still smoldering, glowing hot.

Taako's hands hurt from clutching the Umbrastaff. He and Merle stand side-by-side, waiting for the next moment.

"Well?" asks Lydia. "How do you feel?"

Magnus keeps panting, then takes in a huge breath and exhales it. "Ready to go." He lurches towards the wheel and throws his weight into a push with his left arm, spinning the wheel. Taako and Magnus both lurch forward, too, maybe to tackle him to the ground to keep him from doing this shit again, but it's too late. The wheel stops. Taako can't make himself look at what symbol it landed on, but he hears both the liches gasp.

"Take something else," says Magnus.

"No," Lydia sighs. "I'm sorry, dear, but- it's this or nothing."

Edward's voice cuts in. "Don't you think we should hold off until-"

The room goes silent, like they've switched speakerphone off. No one talks while they wait.

"This or nothing, Magnus," says Edward.

Taako knows that it will be 'Mind' before he finally turns his head to look. He knows it from the way Magnus's chin jerks up, defiantly. Before he can open his mouth, before anyone can rush anywhere, Taako says, "Let me take it for him. I've got a candy store filled with childhood traumas over here."

"That's not how it works, handsome," says Edward.

"Well, why _can't_ it work like that?"

"Wonderland is a place of clarity," says Lydia. "People think they want plenty of things, but this is the place where they find out what they _need,_ and what little wants are holding them back from getting it."

"And that sad backstory is holding you back," says Edward. "You said you need that bell, didn't you? How much?" When Magnus doesn't reply, Edward sighs and says, "Of course, there are other things to be taken. How much of your blood was she worth, Magnus? How many of your years?"

"Shut the fuck up," says Magnus. He says it quietly, but Edward certainly doesn't give him a snappy comeback. Smoke is still peeling off his shoulder, and sweat is still pouring down his face.

"Just- just do it," says Taako. "It's not that hard."

"Yes, it is." His voice is still soft in a weird, gut-churning way.

"It's harder than whatever you have to do for the penalty?" Taako raps his umbrella on the wheel. "Get your eyes gouged out? Lose thirty percent of your lungs? Turn into an octogenarian before our very eyes?"

"Feel your spine crumble inside you?" Lydia adds, mournfully.

Taako flips her off. "Whoever this is-"

"Julia. Her name is Julia."

"Okay," says Taako. "Julia." It feels bad, like a name he shouldn't be saying, a question he shouldn't be asking. "Would Julia want that?"

"No. She wouldn't."

"Then why-?"

Magnus turns his cheek into his good shoulder for a second, like he's got sweat in his eyes. "Taako," he says, "I get it. You think I'm being an idiot. That's fine. I just want you to trust me when I tell you that I can't do this. I can't." He sniffs, hard. "Because if I did, I wouldn't be the person I want to be, I wouldn't be me. I lose another arm, a few years? Okay. I'm me without those things. But my memories, my memories of her, Taako, those are _me_." He searches Taako's face for a moment, then shakes his head. "I don't expect you to understand, you can't unless you've lost someone like that, I just want you to trust me."

For some reason, it stings. It stings a fuckload.

Like when someone has dirt on you and uses it in the most brutal, unknowing way; they don't even know they've done it, you're the overly-sensitive asshole who just got your heart beat up, and you're the only one who knows. He glances desperately at Merle to find some shock or disapproval in his face, but Merle is just studying the two of them, bible pressed against his lips.

Taako realizes that this was supposed to be a sweet bonding moment where they trust each other's feelings and show respect, but he can't play along now.

"Whatever," he drawls. "I can't wait to see you whittled down, Cam-style, till all you have left are four hit points and your storybook backstory."

Cam says, "Hey," and Magnus says, "Okay."

Magnus turns to the wheel. "Penalty."

Eight lights now. Four lit up.

Merle steps forward. "Hey, buddy, why don't you let me-"

Magnus gives the wheel a spin, weaker than the last few times he's done it. "No," he says. "They're my penalties. I should take them. I need to take them." He skips over the obvious logic that they're taking Cam's penalties for him. Whatever, it's clear to Taako that there's no getting through to him at this point. They'll just have to see if they can get him out of this room still breathing.

The wheel lands on the image of a backpack.

"Oh, a new one! I think this will mean you've given everything a try!" says Lydia. "We can see you've collected quite a few interesting little toys along your journeys, and Magnus, we've been _dying_ to get our hands on them. If that's not too soon to say. There's so much to choose from, but- I think the wheel is interested in those Thieves' Tools of yours!"

Magnus looks up, his face almost more pained than it was when he lost his arm.

"That doesn't sound too bad!" says Merle, patting Magnus's knee. "I mean, you're not gonna be using them anymore, right? Hard to pick locks one-handed!"

"That's _all_?" says Taako, looking at the block-printed backpack on its shining green panel. "Just some lock picks?"

"Just some lock picks," says Edward, sing-songy. "Don't worry, Taako. The wheel knows that it wants."

Taako looks back at Magnus as Magnus is pulling a leather pouch out of his pocket (with some difficulty). He tosses it gently into the air and catches it. He holds it against his chest for a few seconds.

"Come on," says Taako. He tries to laugh a little, like, _what the hell, how are you getting away with it this easy, what's the wait?_ But he can't bring himself to do it, and says, "Magnus, come on. Just do it. Please."

"I'm sorry, Carey," Magnus says, and places it down on the wheel. "Accepted."

As Taako lets out a relieved groan, the little pouch vanishes. As soon as it does, Magnus is gripping the wheel and giving it a spin.

"Last turn," says Taako. "Then you let the other kids play, too."

It makes Magnus chuckle a little. Well, it's more of an exhausted exhale, but it's some kind of expression that isn't pain or fear. He watches, his eyes always following the Mind symbol. Taako thinks about trying to Mage Hand it to Chance, so that Magnus can just give up his useless Thieves' Cant or something, but he's pretty sure the liches would just give them more spins for their trouble.

It lands on Body, and Magnus sighs with relief.

Edward says, "This time, we'll be taking quite a bit more-"

"Whatever, sure, yeah," says Magnus. "Sounds good. Accepted."

Magnus stumbles back, and Taako starts to tell these shitty liches that they were going for HP, not dexterity, until he realizes that Magnus has passed out and is falling. Taako darts closer to catch him, nearly falling back himself as he gets his arms around Magnus's chest as much as he can. "Merle!"

Merle reaches up to help ease Magnus to the ground. He puts his non-tree arm over Magnus's mouth.

"Is he death saving? Is he doing a death save right now?" says Taako, shrilly. Merle doesn't say anything, and puts his ear against Magnus's chest. Taako looks up at the heavens. "Did you seriously just kill him? Do you have any idea of what a shitty ending this would be? I still have a few spell slots on reserve, and I can figure out a way to-!"

Magnus coughs. His eyes flutter open.

"Oof," he whispers.

They manage to get him sitting up. He says his feet feel pretty numb. His lips are blanched. Merle presses his ear to Magnus's chest again and says his heart is beating fast, too fast. It takes Magnus a few seconds to answer questions about where he is and what he's doing here. His initial answer is just, "Julia."

Taako's no healer, but he knows it's bad.

He sits with Magnus leaning sleepily against him while Merle goes up to get his sacrifice dished out; he distractedly agrees to do badly in a battle. Worried that Magnus will topple over and get a concussion if he gets jostled, Taako stays on the floor and Mage Hands the wheel to send it spinning.

When it lands on clock, Taako almost laughs, but of course the liches aren't going to let him get away that easy, not this time. His beauty, then. It'll be his beauty.

He hears Lydia say, "I’ll put it this way, Taako. For the first time in your life, you will simply look — normal. You will be... _plain_."

"Well, that’s a fate worse than death if you ask me," says Edward, "but Taako, it’s your sacrifice to make, bud."

Taako thinks of his own face painted on the side of the "Sizzle It Up with Taako" wagon. He thinks of working the crowd with light, teasing flirting. He thinks of the bands that let him travel with them because of his handsome face, Kravitz sneaking looks at him at the Chug and Squeeze, the momentary friendships he's made because someone approached him to ask him how his eyelashes were so long.

"Hey," Magnus croaks. He smiles, and the skin on his lips is cracked. He's still sweaty. He pats Taako's arm, and his skin is cool, his fingernails blue. "I understand if this is too much. I’ll take two spins if you need to say no."

Taako is ridiculous and sickened and horrified.

"Let's go normal,"  he says.

Maybe later, when they're not dragging an almost-corpse along, Taako will give himself a quick makeover to take things back to the way they should be. Maybe after they find a good sauté situation, he'll even find a way to shake his beauty out of the liches, along with eyes and arms and blood and battle axe proficiency. For now, the last light goes green.

He can feel Merle looking at him, curiously, but all he says is, "You guys wanna get a move on?"

Taako slings Magnus's arm over his shoulders. Merle carries Railsplitter and the Shield of Heroic Memories. They stumble into the Trust or Forsake room, and who should be picked but Magnus?

Take a wild guess which option the foolhardy piece of shit chooses.

Taako and Merle keep him slumped against the wall while they fight a salvo of familiar faces (or at least, familiar forms). Magnus tries to get up a few times but can't manage to do it. Taako glances over to tell him to sit his ass down, period, and sees that he's crying. He turns back to the purple worm in front of him and realizes that this is enough. Taako transforms into a dinosaur.

He does pretty good.

When Magnus finally shouts that it's sauté time, Taako scoops everyone up in his mouth and spits them out through a door which he's _sure_ Magnus will be able to explain later. Turning back into a normal Taako-shaped and Taako-sized Taako, he slams the door shut. After Cam leaves their asses, Merle and Taako drag Magnus up onto a catwalk and stumble to the end in a big, moving group hug. They manage to keep him upright while Lydia and Edward reel off a villain speech about their motives and nefarious plans.

"Magnus," says Edward. "You landed on skull in the last round, didn't you?"

It takes Magnus a second to remember how to talk. "Yes."

"Bad luck."

Magnus goes completely limp, falling forward before Taako can catch him.

"Bullshit!" says Taako. "Bullshit, you can't just take him after-!"

But Magnus stands up. He's very still for a moment, then rolls his shoulders, turns around, and smiles. He closes his eyes, and spectral light surrounds him; his face gets rosier, he's standing up straight, and he has a ghostly new arm and a ghostly new finger.

"You know, boys…" he says, and he's Edward.

Taako has about half of an idea what's going on, but after keeping Magnus alive over the course of this much shit, he doesn't have enough time to think that he might be wrong. He doesn't have time for bluffing or yet another villain speech. He gracefully flips Edward off with both hands, and sends his soul zooming out, leaving his frozen body behind.

Magnus is far away, maybe too far to reach. He's drifting further and further into the void that seems to have a liking for him, that seems to beckon him in too fucking often. But you know what? Not today. Today, death will bow to Taako and to Merle as they reach out for Magnus, pulling him back, pulling him back to them.

Magnus is set up with a sweet new mannequin body, and then a sweet new flesh body. Both times, Taako hesitantly asks, "You okay in there?"

And both times, Magnus nods. "Yeah. I got to keep the important stuff."

 

* * *

 

Many years later, when Magnus finally returns to his rightful place in Julia's arms, he gets to tell her, "I never forgot you. Not once."

 

**Author's Note:**

> quick shoutout to the TAZ Wiki and tazscripts.tumblr.com for providing me with all of the stuff I used to cobble this thing together! the world is a better place for those sites
> 
> now is the part of the show where I talk about Julia (talefeathers) and how good and perfect and wonderful she is. she is one of the primary influences that got me into TAZ; that alone has had a huge impact on my life, but it's nothing compared to how grateful I am to have known Julia. she's an amazing, talented, driven, brave, and incredibly kind person who has inspired me in so many ways. it's been a privilege to have known her this long, and I feel so lucky that I'll know her for even longer. this one's doing good stuff, folks. keep an eye on her. < 3


End file.
